At the start of April, 30 days spread out like a horizon of golden wheat, barely moving in the gentle wind, it felt like a battle, a long and up hill battle.
Now I’m in May i’m a little overwhelmed that April is over, it was lost to work and weekends and sport, but amongst all of that, poetry flowed through my veins, everyday, I had to find the words, pluck them out of my mind and put them into some kind of order.
It was utterly exhausting on some days, finding those words when all i wanted to do was sleep, or curl into the splitting headache that was reverberating through my brain. But I wrote, and they were not elegant, or perfect, or even anything I would click ‘SAVE’ on if I was just working. But I set myself some rules, rather than pick words from poems already started, every evening I would open a new post on my blog, and write straight into it, no drafts, no re-writes, but what i wanted to say on that day, and it worked.
All of these 30 poems could be worth something, I may only edit 3 of them, and only 1 may become anything that I try and do anything with, but after just 1 month, i have 30 poems to play with. That is a massive step forward for me.
One of the comments from my College poetry professor when he saw my work from the term i was with him, was that i was prolific, that doesn’t mean that it was any good, but at least I was able to get the words out of my mind.
I’ve struggled with that for a while now, it has become too easy to have the conversation with myself in my mind, and hold the verse under lock and key, worried that it is just a waste of time and I wasn’t good enough to waste the paper with my words.
Forcing myself to write has opened my heart up to so much more, it’s given me a freedom I didn’t really know I needed. Each night I would ready my wife a ‘bed time poem’, she would cuddle in and comment on the bits she liked, or didn’t like, and sometimes, she’s just smile and say ‘perfect’.
In my heart there lives a poet, and a writer, and everything in between, and this challenge has just opened my eyes to exactly what I can manage when i try….
… After all if one poem can be written as a I walk up a hill in the Devon countryside, I’m sure I can find the time to write in the coming months, right?!